Okay, Nó đang diễn ra. ... nó đang sung sức.
Cái gì đây? Anh nên làm gì đây?
Okay, okay, okay. Okay, tới nào.
Okay. Nó đang xảy ra Tới luôn nào.
Whoo
Thật hưng phấn Oh, yeah. Okay.
Thật là quá đã.
Hai ta đang hưng phấn một phút thôi...
Làm sao có ai Biết chuyện gì đang diễn ra?
Làm sao có ai biết 10 phút ta làm được gì?
Okay. Thật quá đỉnh!
Anh chưa từng làm thế này trên ghế từ trước đến giờ.
Thật tuyệt vời.
Anh đang tới đây đũy.
Đừng gọi em vậy Okay. Anh xin lỗi!
Anh đang tới đây honey! Okay
Baby? Baby?
Con bé đang nhìn chúng ta.
Hey, baby.
Con bé biết cái gì đang diễn ra!
Thấy không? Nó biết đấy.
Con bé không biết gì đâu. Chỉ vô tư thôi.
Con bé biết chuyện gì đang diễn ra,
Không sao đâu. Con bé ổn mà
Con bé không hiểu gì đâu.
Anh cũng không hiểu.
Con bé ổn mà! Không sao đâu? Em biết gì không.
Để anh xoay con bé lại. Để anh xoay nó lại.
Okay. Okay.
Hey, sweetie. Hey, thiên thần nhỏ.
Quay lại nào. Nhìn vào tường thôi.
Tiếp nào.
Okay. Tới lượt chúng ta. Bố yêu con lắm, sweetie. Okay.
Okay! Tới luôn nào.
Anh trở lại rồi. Làm những gì dang dở thôi.
Okay. Okay.
Anh đã trở lại. Nó đang diễn ra. Okay.
Trời ơi. Con bé cố gắng Quay lại....lại kìa!
Nhìn hướng kia đi. Quay lại bên kia.
Sao con bé có thể?... okay.
Em nghĩ là dừng thôi.
Chúng ta vẫn đang làm thôi.
Oh, Anh xin lỗi. Okay. Đợi lần sau vậy.
Xin chào.
Con đang làm gì trong nôi này?
Không bao giờ xảy ra nữa.
Chúng ta phải làm cho xong. Chúng ta sẽ phải làm cho xong.
Fyi, chúng ta sẽ làm bất cứ căn phòng nào.
Và lần này, Anh sẽ xuất hết cỡ.
Chỉ là vì ta đang có một căn nhà và một thiên thần nhỏ
Không có nghĩa là chúng ta đã già!
Không. Chết tiệt tuổi già.
Gạt nó qua một bên đi Chỉ làm những gì ta muốn.
Anh yêu, em sắp ra rồi....
Giống như là Ngôi nhà hạnh phúc vậy.
Anh biết! Một căn nhà tuyệt vời
Nó giống như Từng đồng chúng ta kiếm được nằm bên trong căn nhà.
Dù sao đi nữa nó vẫn như vậy.
Hợp pháp mà, đúng không?
Hàng xóm. Hey. Chào.
Hey. Oh. Cặp đôi đồng tính.
Có một cặp đồng tính. Đồng tính.
Họ có vẻ như rất hợp với nhau. Họ rất hạnh phúc.
Thật tuyệt vời! Như đang mơ!
Đúng vậy, Giấc mơ thứ hai.
Đầu tiên, chuông taco sẽ mở cánh cửa tiếp theo. Nó thật sự sẽ rất tuyệt.
Chào bạn! Chào!
Hey. Tôi sắp có một hàng xóm tuyệt vời.
Oh, con bé tỉnh rồi. Thật sao?
Con bé dậy rồi. Okay.
Uh... tạm biệt.
Okay. Bye. Yêu anh.
Yêu em. Bye. Chúng em một ngày tốt lành.
Em tới được không?
Đùa tí mà.
Em sẽ có một ngày tuyệt vời! Okay. Bye!
Anh yêu em!
Uh-oh. Hãy xem kìa.
Hey!
Hey, anh đây rồi.
Hey.
Tôi cần tập tin Meldeson vào lúc 4:00.
Okay, yeah.
Và tôi không phải người nhà, tôi đang nói với cương vị là sếp.
Tôi sẽ làm xong nó lúc 3:30. Được không?
Mac! Okay.
Mac!
Gì vậy?
Đợi một chút.
Whoo!
Okay!
Chúa ơi! Xa quá.
Hey, ta phải tiếp tục làm việc đó Ta đã thỏa thuận.
Làm gì? Chuyện gì vậy?
Chúng ta phài nối cái file đó lại
Tất nhiên . Nối file.
Các anh đang nối file hả?
Yeah. Mọi thứ khá khó khăn nhưng cũng không quá khó.
Nó thật sự rất dày. Một file khổng lồ.
Rất, rất lớn. Khó khăn lắm.
Yeah, chúng ta phải làm thôi Vì công ty mà.
Okay.
Ta là cỏ dại mà đúng không?
Stella sao rồi? Một cô gái dễ thương.
Khá lắm.
Trong sáu tháng tôi đã nhận ra. Mọi thứ đều chết tiệt.
Tất cả thay đổi rồi. Yeah.
Xong đời tôi rồi. Mọi thứ đã kết thúc
Nhưng bây giờ tôi lại nhận ra tất cả mọi thứ sẽ trở lại bình thường.
Chắc không? Coi chừng cô ấy thành bợm nhậu.
Đầu ngực cô ấy giống như là có cồn lên men vậy.
Cô ấy bị ti to?
Yeah, cô ấy đang bị. 2 đầu ngực rất to.
Thật hả? Nhưng tôi không được đụng.
Thậm chí còn không cho tôi xem thật chết tiệt.
Cái gì? Khi chúng tôi đang tò te,
Cô ấy giống như là búp bê tình dục.
Giống như đang làm với Tony Soprano.
Anh thật biến thái.
Anh là người duy nhất trong số chúng ta có nhà và có con.
Yeah.
Trông anh già hơn mọi người tận 10 tuổi. Anh biết không?
Còn anh ly dị rồi.
Vấn đề là....
Giống như là thời của Jimmy Hiểu ý tôi không
Và một cô gái khi đang hẹn hò...
Yeah? Chết tiệt!
Chúng tôi mất tất cả, như là
sex-tech bubble, Hiếu không?
Bây giờ họ có sách tò te và ngoại tình với bạn bè và...
Nó đó, gọi là đồng tính giống như là...
Điện thoại reo rồi cô ấy cắm sừng tôi.
Rất thú vị đấy.
Gần như là người đàn ông, nhưng sẽ sớm tìm một người phụ nữ
Trốn việc hả?
Oh, oh! Oh!
Hey.
Mấy anh đang làm gì ở đây vậy?
Con đây rồi. Hi.
Mọi việc thế nào rồi em yêu? Ổn.
Để xem chuyện gì đây!
Đây rồi
Con bé vui khi thấy anh.
Khoan nào, đợi đã. Hey
Làm bố thật dễ Nhìn xem!
Yeah, 2 tiếng mỗi ngày.
Yeah.
Một điều thú vị, tuyệt vời. Cái này này...
Ta nên mua thêm một cái giường đôi
Oh!
Xin chào? Hey!
Chúa ơi. Hai người phải đi chơi với tôi.
Tôi đã không gặp 2 người lâu lắm rồi.
Okay, cô ấy đang quẩy ở Royalton tối nay.
Có một tin đồn là hoàng tử sẽ đến.
Tôi không đi được cả tôi và anh ấy ly dị rồi
Tôi rất cần sự an ủi Được không?
Làm thế nào bây giờ? Có nên gọi trông trẻ không?
Em không biết nữa Hay là...
Trể lắm rồi. Anh... Okay.
Sao không để con bé ở trạm cứu hỏa đi?
Cô đang nói gì vậy? Không được làm như vậy.
Một đưa bé bị bỏ rơi.
Okay. Không.
Cô mất sự hài hước rồi à?
Cô đang làm gì vậy? Tôi đang sử dụng facetime để trang điểm
Cô không có nhìn chúng tôi phải không? Làm gì có ai nhìn người khác khi họ đang facetime?
Tại sao 2 người không đi đâu đó? Jimmy có ở đó không? Jimmy?
Không, Jimmy đi rồi.
Chúng tôi không có người trông trẻ Nên,... Yeah.
Hello? Cho cô ấy đi đi.
Không...
Có à?
Không. Có?
Em đang nghĩ gì vậy?
Chúng ta đi thôi!
Nó giống như mở ra một cánh cửa mới,...
một cuộc sống mới mà chúng ta không có
Chúng ta đang hạnh phúc và một thiên thần. Tuyệt vời!
Lúc này đây. Hãy làm thôi. Em cần đi chơi.
Được rồi. Anh chịu thua rồi. Thôi nào gà con.
Baby's first rave. Baby's first rave.
Baby's first rave! Baby's first rave!
Đợi anh chút! Còn gói tã! Nên mang đầy đủ.
Em biết không? Cô ấy cần một cái trong trường hợp cô ấy tự tè lên mình.
Em nghĩ em nên nâng ngực.
Cô ấy muốn vòng cổ. Đưa vòng cổ em đây. Tới nào.
Ta nên mang theo máy làm mát.
Đợi đã. Nếu mang có đó theo thì Jumperpoo là đủ.
Chúng ta có phòng Anh nghĩ chúng ta sẽ có.
Miếng dán. Anh không biết để miếng dán ở đâu nữa.
Binky, binky, binky. Anh cũng không biết cái binky ở đâu luôn.
Binky ở đây. Anh lấy được rồi.
Huh?
Chúng ta ngủ quên. Đi thôi. Đi thôi!?!
Okay, Đi nào. Ta sẽ đi ngay bây giờ
Đợi chút! Chết tiệt! Chúng ta có một tin nhắn.
Một đêm tuyệt vời.
Nhìn xem tôi đã đặt bao nhiêu là đồ ăn.
Tôi thậm chí không đói. Thật là lãng phí!
Ta sẽ nhớ nó.
Shit. Đừng đánh anh.
Em mệt mỏi lắm rồi.
Anh biết. Chúng ta đi ngủ thôi
Ngày mai... ... sẽ là một ngày mới
Anh yêu em.
Chúc em ngủ ngon. Chúc anh ngủ ngon.
Bủm! Anh xin lỗi.
Thật sự rất ngon. Vị như là Vani.
Ngon quá.
Pudgie, chuyện gì ở đằng kia vậy?
Xe chuyển nhà. Xe chuyển nhà.
Một chiếc xe chuyển nhà! Wow.
Em nghĩ là ai... thôi nào. Ôi trời ơi!
Nhìn kìa, nhìn kìa...
Ta có gì nào?
Đồng tính? Luyến ái?
Cái gì vậy? Họ đang làm gì vậy?
Bọn nhóc nào vậy và tại sao lại mặc áo hồng?
Bọn họ là anh em à?
Yeah, họ có Một chữ cái hy lạp to dùng.
Có vẻ như là anh em với nhau.
Ôi trời ơi. Nhìn gã kia xem.
Một gã quyến rũ nhất anh từng gặp.
Hắn giống như Một tên đồng tính được tạo ra từ phòng thí nghiệm.
Nhìn cơ bắm xem.
Chúa ơi! Như 2 cái dương vật ngựa vằn vậy.
Một show trình diễn súng.
Nhìn em tóc vàng kìa.
Anh không biết em đang nói ai...
Tên kia kìa tay áo màu đỏ đó? Một gã đẹp trai.
Chúng ta làm gì bây giờ? Okay, okay. Anh biết làm gì rồi.
Chắc chắn họ sẽ rất là ồn ào.
Và họ sẽ tổ chức tiệc rất nhiều.
Anh yêu, giống như là Một ác mộng vậy
Anh đồng ý. Ta nên lại đó.
Ta nên lại đó và nói là không nên. Ngay bây giờ.
Càng sớm càng tốt Để họ biết.
Chúng ta phải mạnh mẽ lên, Chúng ta có trẻ nhỏ và họ cần giữ im lặng.
Họ phải tôn trọng chúng ta, được không? Yeah, yeah.
Nhưng..., okay. Đợi đã! Có lẽ ta không nên lại gây sự.
Chúng ta nên lại đó... Hành xử thật thân thiện.
Như là đồng nghiệp với nhau. Yeah. Yes.
Nói chung là ta phải thân thiện. Ta cố gắng thân thiện với họ.
Yeah. Ta phải thân thiện.
Chuẩn bị một điếu xì gà. Và đưa cho bọn họ
Sau đó tỏ ra thân thiện. Rồi họ nghĩ...
Chúng ta vui vẻ. Oh, Họ sẽ thích chúng ta.
"Chúng ta sẽ giống vậy trong vài năm tới."
Đúng, Tôn trọng.
Họ sẽ muốn ta thân thiện với họ. Yeah.
Sau đó ta nói, "Dù sao thì, giữ trật tự."
Chính xác. Ta không hẳn là nói như vậy Giống như là...
Tất nhiên là không. Chúng ta sẽ nói.....
"Cứ bình thường đi!"
Em hành động hơi lạ một chút.
Tôi sẽ cho qua. Kệ, cứ bỏ qua.
Giống như là... Cứ bình thường với nhau thôi.
Nói một cách bình thường thôi. Em hiểu rồi
Đó là điều thiết yếu nhất.
Okay, xem này. Anh sẽ làm như thế này.
"Cứ bình thường đi."
Thôi nào! Nâng nó lên!
Lẹ đi!
Wicca-wazzup?
Hey! Mọi chuyện thế nào rồi? Hey!
Ông là hàng xóm mới à? Tôi là hàng xóm mới đây!
Yeah!
Quá đã!
Coi nào?
Tôi là Teddy. Đây là Pete.
Khỏe không? Và thiên thần nhỏ nào đây?
Oh, thật vui. Không ai nghĩ là con gái cả.
Cái gì? Tất nhiên là con gái rồi. Một công chúa nhỏ mà.
Cô công chúa nhỏ.
Oh, con bé đang phấn khích kìa Cái mũi bé tí kìa.
Dễ thương quá
Cô bé tên gì?
Stella. Stella, yeah.
Một cái tên thật tuyệt vời Hai người đang đùa sao?
Cô bé là một con chim nhỏ.
Oh. Tôi cược là như mẹ cô bé.
Mmm.
Dù sao thì chỉ muốn mọi người biết.
Khu này, chúng tôi không loại bỏ thuốc lá.
Sao? Chú biết chú đang nói gì không?
Không đời nào!
Thử một hít xem nào.
Nếu có thể Lúc nào đó....
Cứ bình thường thôi!
À. Ý tôi là nếu hai người cần bất cứ thứ gì.
Hay chúng tôi mất trật tự. Cứ nói với tôi hoặc Pete.
Chúng tôi sẽ lo tất cả. Tôi cũng vậy.
Ý tôi là rất ồn. Yeah, yeah.
Trò chơi ngai vàng, Chúng ta đều được lợi.
Khi Khaleesi tới. Như là...
Yeah. Thật điên rồ.
Chào mừng đến khu này.
Thả lỏng đi.
Tạm biệt, Stella!
Và bây giờ, Vai trò là chủ tịch của PSI...
Và phó chủ tịch, Ta gọi đó là...
Cuộc gặp đầu tiên Ở một căn nhà mới.
Chivalry above self!
Giống như của quý của Scoonie,
Năm nay sẽ trở thành huyền thoại.
Nếu mọi người đang sợ
PSI luôn có trách nhiệm
chuẩn bị cho bữa tiệc lớn nhất từ trước tới giờ.
Mọi người, để mắt lên tường nào.
Quay lại thới gian với tôi tới năm 1930 nào.
Đội PSI mặc lên một sản phẩm của Julius Caesar
Một khán giả Trao cho một trong anh em họ Một cốc bia.
Sau đó Một ngụm định mệnh,
Một bữa tiệc lớn đã ra đời!
Giữ chân chút nào, Pêt
Đến năm 1971
Khi Mỹ đấu với Trung Quốc Trong bóng bàn.
Lúc đó, anh em PSI chúng ta
Chơi một trận bóng bàn riêng của họ.
Một quả bóng bàn bay vào cốc bia của họ.
Anh ấy chỉ... uống nó.
Ta có trò bóng bia.
Rồi năm 1985!
Sebastian và người anh em của ông ấy
Họ đã uống rất rất nhiều.
Sebastian biết là phải xả ra hết Nhưng ông muốn giữ không khí buổi tiệc.
Ông ấy đã làm gì? Xả ra? Hay là uống tiếp? Cả hai?
Tại sao không?
Rồi làm vào đôi giày Uống tiếp một ly mới thôi.
Nhiều bữa tiệc đã được phát minh.
Trong số đó được tìm ra.
Chúng ta phải làm gì với gánh nặng trên vai đây?
Teddy, nói mọi người nghe đi!
Tôi sẽ cho mọi người biết.
Mọi người thấy chỗ trống trên tường không?
Hãy thay vào đó một giấc mơ.
Ta sẽ kết thúc năm nay Cùng với một bữa tiệc lớn chưa từng có.
Tôi đang nói tới một bữa tiệc lớn hơn cả năm ngoái. Đùa với rác.
Không, không, không!
Có vẻ như một nhiệm vụ khó khăn
Nhưng khi đã làm
chúng ta sẽ có mặt trên tường đó.
cùng với những huyền thoại đó!
Pete, nói cho tôi biết mùa hè đầu tiên của chúng ta được không?
Ba mẹ tôi chia tay.
Rồi anh đã đi đâu? Tới đây.
Chuyện gì xảy ra? Tôi đã khóc.
Tại sao lại khóc?
Vì tôi cảm thấy an toàn.
Bởi vì anh em đã quây quần bên tôi.
Anh em chúng ta cùng chung xương tùy. Một lòng một nghĩa.
Chúng ta là đại gia đình và KHÔNG BAO GIỜ TAN RÃ
Không, không bao giờ.
Để tin tưởng vào Sức mạnh của tình thương...
...Để đi Trên con đường của danh dự
Để tìm ra Ánh sáng của sự thật.
Đây là cuộc sống, là con đường, Là ánh sáng hi vọng của PSI
Đây là một đế chế Hy Lạp mạnh mẽ
Có thể đưa tôi lên mây được không?
Delta PSI.
Delta PSI. Delta PSI!
Delta PSI.
Delta PSI. Delta PSI.
Delta PSI. Delta PSI. Delta PSI.
Christ! Cái gì vậy?
Họ sẽ làm Stella tỉnh mất. Chúng ta nên...
Anh nghĩ Chúng ta nên làm gì đây?
Gọi cảnh sát thôi.
Không, không, không, không, không, không.
Ta không nên làm vậy.
Ta nên qua đó okay? Và nói chuyện với chúng.
Họ sẽ theo lời chúng ta Nếu chúng ta có lòng em biết không?
Okay. Yeah. Yeah, okay.
Okay.
Lấy cái nôi nào.
Hey, Mac, Kelly. Chuyện gì vậy?
Chúng tôi không muốn thế này Nhưng tôi nghĩ chỉ là...
Chúng ta nên đừng ồn ào
Chỉ một chút thôi. Một chút thôi
Tiếng nhạc à?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, chỉ một chút thôi.
Đầu tiên, lỗi của tôi.
Yo, mọi người! Kiểm tra nhạc.
Chúng ta bị hàng xóm than vãn này.
Cảm ơn.
Đó là bóng lớn.
Đó là bóng để đập à?
Tôi thực sự đánh giá cao Những gì mọi người đang làm.
Ngoài tầm kiểm soát
Tuyệt vời. Dù sao, cảm ơn rất nhiều.
Đó là những gì tôi muốn.
Hẹn gặp lại.
Tôi nghĩ chúng ta nên Mời vào người lớn tuổi vào.
Họ già và yếu đuối hết rồi.
Ý tôi là, yeah, Họ như con nít vậy.
Nhưng chỗ này Không dành cho trẻ em!
Họ có thể làm chúng ta sống trong địa ngục. Tôi cần tử tế với họ.
Nếu ta tử tế với họ, Họ sẽ tử tế lại với chúng ta.
Hey, đợi đã!
Hey, họ đây rồi!
Hai người đang đi đâu vậy?
Hai người có muốn vào không?
Anh không muốn chúng tôi vào đâu.
Anh không đùa chứ
Nên tham gia đi. Thôi nào.
Không thể, tôi có em bé. Tôi phải trông chừng nữa, không được đâu.
Xem nào. Chỉ một chút thôi mà.
Có thiết bị trông chừng ngay đó mà.
Nó hoạt động rất tốt
Hoàn hảo là khác.
Hai người giống như không rời được một bước. Thôi nào!!!
Thăm quan một chút thôi. Một chút thôi
Thăm quan thôi. Oh, thật thú vị!
Oh, yeah! Âm nhạc trong tôi.
Từ từ nào.
Chúng tôi đã làm ra cái này trước cả Internet ra đời.
Cái điện thoại lạ nhỉ.
Không, thiết bị trông chừng em bé thôi.
Nhìn nè, bạn có thể thấy bé.
Aw!
Peekaboo!
Ông ấy ngủm rồi.
Peekaboo! Oh!
Oh, no, no. Cái thiết bị không hoạt động.
Tôi phải về thôi. Phải về thôi. Về thôi.
Tôi muốn thêm nữa...
Whoa...
Tôi không thể...
Ngay đây... yeah, Yeah!
Mọi người có muốn xem một thứ tuyệt vời không?
Có, Tôi muốn xem nó.
Yeah. Cái gì vậy?
Tôi thực sự đánh giá cao vì bạn đã ở đây.
Coi kìa.
Wow! Hay lắm anh bạn.
Yeah, take a bow.
Đợi đã, đợi đã.
Chào mừng tới sư tử bạn tôi.
Đây là phòng tôi. Tắt trong suốt bữa tiệc...
Ở đây chúng tôi giữ tất cả Những kỉ niệm quan trọng
Cồn, thuốc,
Mấy cái đó lúc nào cũng mất tiêu cả.
Yeah, dude. My bros is always stealing my paddies.
Hả? Cái gì vậy?
Chết tiệt! Quá trời pháo hoa luôn!
Can we light some of those off right now?
Man, literally, the last time we lit those off, we burned the house down.
Không vui đâu. Có vẻ nghiêm trọng đấy.
Coi nào. Ra sân nào.
Chuẩn bị chưa? Yeah.
Quá đỉnh luôn!
Chào mừng tới thiên đường.
Like, when you think of Batman, who's Batman?
Giỡn với tôi hả?
Christian bale? Christian bale.
Michael keaton is Batman to me.
"Cô ấy ở đâu?"
Michael keaton's Batman was like,
"Hey, tôi là Batman."
"Không! Tôi mới là Batman!"
"No, dude, no. I'm Batman. This is what Batman sounds like."
"I'm counting on it!"
"No, I'm counting on it. Tôi là Batman."
Chúng ta hình như Đã gặp nhau thời còn đi học.
Aw!
Yeah, I was here for an exchange program.
I was only supposed to stay a semester,
but then he convinced me to hang around.
Aw! Yeah.
What's cool is we're almost roommates.
Our rooms are, like, 10 feet away from each other.
Dude, we can have walkie-talkies,
Let's get walkie-talkies and talk to each other all the time.
Walkie-talkies and earpieces and shit. Oh, my God.
That would be so dope.
It'd be so fun.
So, how did you meet Teddy?
I saw him. He saw me.
Yeah.
It's a really romantic story.
Hold on to this moment, man. Seriously, enjoy this.
Because soon, you fucking blink,
and you're the oldest guy at the party,
and it's terrible.
You don't seem old.
You seem like a senior that took a year abroad.
Really? Yeah, man.
Bottom of my heart.
You want to swordfight?
Absolutely.
Aw!
Epic night!
Crazy! I owe you, man.
I really needed that. Thank you so much.
Yeah, again, if you can just generally
kind of, you know, keep it down.
Just keep it down.
Low.
That would be... That would be fucking... That would be trill.
You really want us to keep it down?
Yeah, like, every night.
Yeah, try to keep it down.
I'll give it the old college try.
Nice! That was good. Nice.
Cool, cool. How is that?
Just make sure if we're too noisy, you call me first.
Don't call the cops, okay?
Okay. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
Do you promise? I promise.
Do you promise?
You promise? Okay. Because a promise is a big deal to me.
Okay. Okay.
We promise. Thank you so much, guys.
I hope you guys come over and try and hang with us some more.
Yeah, dope, dope. Cool. It was a good time.
I'll go tell them to shh!
Yeah.
See you guys.
Great night!
Hey, Teddy. It's Mac again. Your neighbor.
You said to call if it was ever too loud.
So, we're calling. It's too loud.
It's 4:00 in the morning, our baby's awake. She's freaking out.
Thank you.
Ten times.
I've called him ten times. What do we do?
If we actually go over there and tell them to keep it down,
we're gonna seem so lame.
We're gonna have to call the cops.
We call the cops? Yes.
He told us not to call the cops.
Do it anonymously.
We're cool, they shut up, she goes to sleep. Done.
We have no blood on our hands.
We're innocents. We're innocents in all this.
It's a good idea. It's a good system.
Let's do it. Okay, I'm doing it. Let's do it.
Here we go. Here we go.
Here they are.
Okay.
I feel so lame. I can't believe we called the cops.
They can't tell it's us.
They don't know it was us. Could've been anyone.
Could have been anyone. Any one of these people could have called.
We're not gonna get caught for this.
Anyone would do this. This isn't because we're old.
Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh!
Oh, shit! Oh, no!
Oh, no! Oh, fuck!
Oh, no.
He sold us out.
Fuck, they're coming up the driveway. Oh, shit, they're coming.
Oh, shit. They're right there.
Just go, you answer it. Kelly: You answer it.
You answer! You are gonna answer.
You do it. You do it. You do it.
We're just getting dressed! I'm naked!
No, I see you guys right there. One moment.
Act like you just woke up.
Hey.
Hello, are you Mac?
Yeah. What's happening?
You called about your neighbors?
No.
I have a call, it's from Mac radner. That's you. Right?
Yeah. How do you have that information?
We have caller ID. We're cops.
Everybody has caller ID. You're Mac radner.
Okay, yes.
You called us. Why did you call us?
I called the cops because you were being noisy, man.
And I tried to get you to stop, and you wouldn't stop.
They won't stop partying!
Officer, you know how it is.
We have a little baby. We have a baby.
Mac's working in the morning. We got jobs.
They were at the party with us just last night.
Did you party with this kid? We don't party with them!
We shouldn't be in trouble. We haven't done anything wrong.
We have a baby. We're parents.
Well then, what do you call these?
I'm too fucked up! Ahhh! Ahhh!
Well, it looks like you guys were partying with him.
You party pretty heavy.
That's a joke photo!
It's a joke? That's a joke!
It's not a good joke.
Okay, you know what? Let's end this.
I'm sorry. I rescind the complaint.
You can go. No noise complaint.
You know the boy who cried wolf?
You're that boy.
Okay, I cried wolf. Never call us again.
Never call you again? You're the fucking police.
Look, man, we're sorry.
We tried to call you. I don't know what to say.
We called you five times, you didn't answer us.
You made a promise to me last night.
We were pissing. We crossed streams.
Don't worry about it, you know?
"Hey, I'm Batman." You know? Right?
We're still cool, man. We're still cool. We're sorry.
I'm not mad.
I'm just disappointed.
Hey, come on. Wait, let's just...
What's that?
Those are for you.
What the fuck?
Oh.
You shouldn't have called the cops, bro!
Okay.
Okay, very good.
Very good.
Okay. Congratulations.
You better put that in the recycling bin.
All of it. All of it.
It's like Edward scissorhands. Do you like it?
It's a really expensive bush!
I'm sorry, I felt inspiration. What was I supposed to do?
I'm about to rip this shit out of the ground.
Fuck this bush! Fuck that bush, man!
Fuck this bush! Fuck that bush!
Harder, man. Yeah, really get in there.
Oh! Oh! God damn it! Kelly!
Whoa. Hey, man, buy him dinner first.
Fuck this bush!
Oh! Shit!
Okay. Ha-ha.
Sorry, man. Sorry my ball just got in your face.
I love you. Baby.
Oh, God.
I can't believe this is happening.
It's finally happening.
What the fuck? Oh, my God!
Oh, no! Oh, no!
We can't be the only people in the neighborhood
who are sick of this bullshit, you know.
We've gotta get everyone on our side.
We could lead a revolution.
Oh, no.
They're buying off the whole neighborhood with their slave army.
Oh! Mrs. Haywood, you're better than that.
I can't sell your house.
Why? Well,
because the only people who would want
to live next to a frat house is a frat house.
Oh, the university might be interested.
I know the Spanish department is looking for a new building.
Only thing, if you sell to the university,
I'd say, optimistically, you're looking
at losing about half your investment.
We put all of our money in. This is all of our money.
We can't lose half.
But you keep half.
We don't need that! What is that?
Sold!
And you keep making money no matter what!
Real estate is a fickle bitch.
Okay, maybe it's best you just go.
Thank you for coming. Okay.
That was not helpful.
Well, okay.
What are you wearing? What is this?
What are you doing? Yeah.
We're throwing a Robert de niro party.
Should be pretty fucking loud.
It's probably gonna go pretty fucking late, too.
I'm taxi driver de niro.
Yeah, I'm meet the fockers de niro.
I'm watching you. I'm watching you.
Who painted that mole on your face? Did you do that yourself?
Yes, I did. Yes, I did, focker.
Oh, I'm Sam Jackson, you know, from Jackie brown.
Hoo-ah!
That's Al Pacino. That's not even... yeah.
Scent of a woman.
Hoo-ah!
There's no consistency here.
You're all over the place with your references.
Just stop doing this stupid shit! We're sorry.
Hey, when you called the cops, you violated the circle of trust, focker.
We're sorry we called the cops, okay?
Are you talking to me?
Yes. Yes.
Are you talking to me?
Yes! Yes!
Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me?
I don't see anyone else here.
I don't see anyone else here, either!
"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides..."
What the fuck are you doing? That's the wrong Sam Jackson speech!
Are you talking to me, or are you talking to him?
Just get off! Are you talking to me?
Shut the fuck up!
You get the fuck out of here.
Stop it!
Hey. What's nice is in a few years,
we'll have a third person to help us do this.
Hey.
What do you got there, sweetie?
Is that a balloon?
Did you find a balloon?
Oh, shit! That's not a balloon!
Oh, Jesus!
Oh, God! Oh, no!
Help! Help!
Get the fuck... Get out of my way! Move!
Doctor! Doctor! Oh, God!
All right. Hey.
Your baby
has HIV.
Oh, my God.
Is how bad this could have gone.
The condom was unused.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Who the fuck says that to a couple of parents?
Hey! Ma'am!
Chill out, chill out!
They are dangerous to the neighborhood!
There's a clear focus going on here.
I heard they burned down their last house.
And they were reprimanded for that.
We have a very strict three-strike policy at this school.
So, they have one strike. If they get two more, then they're out.
A strike?
Well, listen, the way I do my job is,
you know, I'm always thinking about the headlines, right?
So, "Duke lacrosse team rapes stripper." Bad headline.
"Fraternity keeps couple awake"?
That's not really even a headline.
I don't even think it would make the local police blotter.
Get ready to read the headline of the century.
Extra, extra! "Baby swallows condom!"
That's disgusting! Exactly!
It's the frat's condom! That's the frat's condom!
I have a headline for this.
"Fraternity practices safe sex."
That's a good headline. I could get a raise off that headline.
I got a headline for you.
"Mean Dean doesn't realize that frat is bad for everyone."
It's very poorly worded. I don't think that would ever make it to print.
I don't know where you went to school.
I went here, okay? That's why I'm dumb!
You know what? I just thought of another headline.
"Negligent parents allow baby to swallow condom."
What'd you say? It's not a good headline.
Here's a headline. How about, "go fuck yourself"?
That's what you get.
This is our little cub on our lawn with a condom in her mouth.
Oh, my God. I'm a mama bear.
Yes, you are. You know what?
I'm gonna act all docile and then...
My claws are out! I'm gonna fucking get them!
Fuck these fucking guys!
They don't know who they are fucking with.
They think I'm just a regular dad
and then you know what happens?
Boom! Boom!
Teddy's dead! Pete's dead! Scoonie's dead!
Fuck you! No, no.
I'll fucking kill them! No, no.
Boom! No.
I'm buying a fucking gun! No, you're not!
I'm not buying a gun! You're right, it's a bad idea.
Bad call.
What about one of those small prostitute guns?
No. You're not buying a gun.
Fuck!
What can we do? That fucking Dean.
What woman is named "Dean"?
She's not named "Dean." That's her job.
What? That's what "Dean" is here.
No. Yeah.
Really? What did you think?
I thought that was her name. No.
Oh, no.
What do they call it in Australia? "Chancellor."
No, she's the chancellor.
Oh, my God. I was so rude to her.
I don't know what to do. What do we know?
What didn't we have in college?
I didn't have any money.
I had no money either. We had no money.
We fuck with their house. They can't afford to fix it.
Yes. They have to move.
Yeah, fuck them! Fuck them!
We're gonna fucking fuck them! Fuck them!
We are going to fuck them! Fuck them!
So the water came out of here? Yep.
This is gonna ruin us.
I mean, the foundation is flooded. We can't pay for this shit.
They're gonna condemn the house.
Okay, well, on that note,
maybe we should clean up and not
stand here with our dicks in our hands.
"Dicks in our hands."
Dicks in our hands.
Teddy, how much time we got?
Just a couple minutes, and then we pour in the latex.
We've got delta psi dildos we can merchandise.
Oh, God, I can't keep my boner much longer.
We're supposed to have boners?
Yeah. Nobody wants a limp dildo.
You don't know that. People could want it for after.
Like, for cuddling, and it's like a love...
Okay, you're right. It's just a limp dick.
Hey, you boys have to go digital.
Look at that 3-d printer go.
Look at it go!
That's awesome.
Now I can go to class while my dick prints.
Got it at my architecture lab. Pretty cool, right?
Wow. Man, you should go to class sometime.
We have excellent facilities that, like, no one uses.
All right, let's pull these bad boys off and see what we've got.
We're good? Yeah.
Let's do it.
This is like Christmas. Oh!
Wow. Whoa.
Hey, you know, I think the Clay is stuck to my pubes.
Why do you have pubes?
Wait. You guys shaved?
Dude, I texted you. I said, "shave."
I thought we were taking pictures. I cleaned up a little, but...
Not your face.
Oh, God.
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
Don't worry about it. I'm gonna enjoy this.
It's not gonna come off.
I'm gonna drill a hole, I'm gonna pee. I can get bigger pants.
Look at me. You trust me, right?
I'm gonna pull this thing off.
Come on, just relax. I got you.
Stay the fuck away from me!
Calm down. Count of three.
Teddy... One.
Look at my eyes.
Two!
That was so much worse than I thought.
Ladies, I need a single-file line.
and if you're in the back, it is approximately a 20-minute wait.
Um... I'll take a Teddy. Cool. How about a Pete?
Oh, no.
I was just kidding, anyway.
So weird.
Holy shit, guys. I think we made $10,000.
Hey, you guys, if my calculations are correct,
not only can we fix the water damage,
but we can get the biggest hot tub in the world!
And outdoor speakers!
Yes! Yeah!
Delta psi!
Delta psi.
Delta psi! Delta psi! Delta psi!
Dildo psi!
Dildo psi! Dildo psi!
This is fucking ridiculous.
Their dicks bought a hot tub? My dick couldn't buy a hot tub.
Hey.
Your dick could buy more than a hot tub. Your dick bought me.
Thank you very much.
I'm not a sizeist.
That's a little patronizing.
I don't get it. Who would even buy one of those dildos?
Why? Because your bros are always there for you.
They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out.
And you were nothing but great to your ho.
And you told her that she was the only ho for you,
and that she was better than all the other hos in the world.
Bros before hos.
Fraternities. They live and die on the concept of brotherhood.
The only way to break it apart is to get in there,
infiltrate a party, and get them to put hos before bros.
Hos don't go before bros. It just doesn't work like that.
A ho has never gone before a bro.
Maybe I have been a ho who's taken down some bros.
Ho, no, you haven't. I'm just saying.
You have? That is messed up.
I'm saying, that's the only way.
We've got to get in there, we gotta infiltrate.
Get those little motherfuckers, turn them against each other.
Okay. I'm serious.
Just ease up.
Sorry.
She's on the fast road to her first word being "cunt."
It's not cool here. Sorry.
We're gonna make them put hos before bros.
Step one, lock down a babysitter.
Get this one taken care of.
Yeah? Right?
Yeah. We're gonna get these guys.
Yo. I've been waiting forever.
What is she doing here? Wait. What is he doing here?
Look, we're friends with both of you.
Fucking just learn to deal with it, okay?
This is an abomination.
You... right now, both of you have to make a choice right now.
Me or her, choose. It's up to you. You choose.
Shut the fuck up.
We're on a mission.
Yes, ma'am. I was just kidding.
Yo.
You here to ask us to turn the music down?
Because that's not gonna happen.
No, we're here to tell you to turn it up.
Shit, homie, we've been beefing for too long.
We just want to squash this like a bug.
That's all my weed, and it's really hard for me to get weed.
Oh, shit.
Okay, you guys can come in.
No 'shrooms for you, mister.
Don't worry about it, man.
All right.
Okay, Teddy's fucking Brooke, but Brooke wants to fuck Pete.
But she's afraid because Pete and Teddy are best friends.
We've gotta get Brooke to hook up with Pete publicly.
Then Teddy is gonna want to kill Pete
and the whole frat will implode.
Paula, flirt with scoonie. Keep him talking and distracted.
Okey-dokey.
Jimmy, isolate Whitney.
Okey-dokey.
What do I do? Do I get to do something?
You're on Teddy patrol. Keep him close.
He's gotta see them hooking up.
Otherwise, this plan won't work.
we've only got a few minutes before they go upstairs and start fucking.
Okay, let's do it. Okay?
Let's go. Go team.
What? What?
Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Cutting through.
What it is, y'all.
What's up?
What's this, a dance-off?
I don't know, bitch. Is it a dance-off?
You tell me. I think it's a dance-off.
Oh, shit!
Dance-off!
Jesus Christ, not another dance-off.
He likes them.
How about some shots, guys?
Okay, yeah!
Sure!
Cheers. Here we go.
Another one! Another one!
One more, one more, one more.
I can't. No.
I don't want to.
Oh, shit.
I think I'm drunk.
You guys are so cute together.
No! No!
No. She's my...
I'm with Teddy. She's with Teddy.
So you guys have never hooked up?
No!
You're blushing.
No, I'm not. You are.
You guys have gotta relax.
Shit!
You're so cute. You're like a little possum.
Look at you. I'm a possum.
No...
No! No, no, no, okay? No!
Just a little taste, a little taste.
That was sexy. Can I make out with someone now?
What are you doing? We have 60 seconds before they go upstairs.
Get in the dance circle.
Okay, okay. I'm winning, by the way.
Hey, man. Oh, shit!
I think Teddy saw you.
What? No.
No, no, no. Shit. Shit.
Hey, what's up, man?
Hey, man.
What's up?
What's up? You good?
Yeah, I'm good, man. How's it going?
Everything's good. Fucking great party.
Great party, right? Awesome party.
Yeah?
Yeah, man. Yeah.
And we got a fight over here!
Fuck, are you okay, man? Dude, I'm so...
Oh!
Is that how people fight now? What are they doing?
Let go, let go.
I'll never let go.
I'll hold onto your balls forever.
What are you thinking about?
Why are you so calm?
What the fuck? Ew!
So gross!
I never wanted to have to use that on you!
What the fuck, man?
It's a blessing and a curse!
Get the fuck out of here! You're so gross!
God damn it.
Throw shit off the porch!
Throw shit off the porch. Throw shit off the porch.
Let's throw shit off the porch! Whoo!
Yes! Come on, delta psi!
Whoa!
Holy fuck.
Somebody call 911!
He's still alive.
He's still alive!
He's still alive.
Oh, shit.
We didn't kill anyone. We didn't kill anyone.
Hey, guys!
What do you think of my new necklace?
It's a choker.
I fucking did it! I totally did it.
We couldn't have planned it better.
That was incredible!
We're celebrating.
Fuck it. I'll pump and dump.
We fucking did it.
Baby, let's be spontaneous. Let's go fuck on the kitchen floor.
Yes! Come on.
Let's do that shit. Whoo! Let's do it!
Let's do something we've never done. Okay.
I don't know. Hit me with something.
Okay. Smack me.
Let's be crazy.
Okay. Ow! Fuck!
Fuck! Hey! Shit, stop! Stop! I don't like it, I don't like it!
I like it. I don't like it, stop!
This is turning me on. I don't like it.
I like it. Don't do that!
Sorry. It hurts.
Okay. Okay.
Let's do something crazy.
Why don't I stick something up your ass?
No, not tonight. Not tonight.
Can I stick something up your ass?
No, I'm not that drunk.
Oh, I'm gonna come soon.
Okay, I'm not even close.
I'm gonna come. Come, baby.
I'm coming. Are you close?
Come on.
And... I'm too drunk to come.
I'm not gonna come.
It's gone mushy. Thank you, sire.
I will take the gentleman's route out and call it a day,
for no ejaculation will be occurring due to over-intoxication.
That's how adults do it.
I love you, baby.
Baby, I love you.
We're a great team.
Baby, we're a hot team.
My boobs really hurt.
I think I should probably pump.
My boobs are feeling really full.
I like 'em like that.
I like 'em full, baby.
We did it. We did it.
That's a beautiful thing.
Bros before hos, motherfucker.
That dude forgot the golden rule.
I feel like shit.
But I love it.
Oh, my boobs.
Oh, God.
I gotta feed Stella. Okay.
Is she awake? I'm more milk than woman.
I gotta get this out of me.
Get it out of you.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait!
Wait. Wait, no! Wait!
Wait. Wait. Wait.
Whoa. Wait. Wait.
No, no, no! What? What?
Don't slap my boob.
There's booze in your boobs. There's booze in your boobs.
It's poison. It's alcohol.
There's alcohol in there.
It's like a white Russian. Lay down, sweetie.
Kelly: Oh, it fucking hurts! I need this milk out of me.
Okay, we'll get that milk out. Get the pump. Ow!
Okay, I got it.
Fuck me! Fucking idiot!
What are you doing? I'm sorry.
Fuck. Oh, no. Okay, relax.
I'm sorry. What the fuck?
It broke. I totally broke it.
I don't even know what the fuck to do with this.
Oh, no.
Oh, shit!
Oh, they're hulking out! They're gonna blow.
What is happening to me?
Oh, gross! They look like my grandma's legs.
Okay, let me call my mom. She'll tell us what to do right now.
Do not call your mother!
Jesus! You Jews and your fucking mothers!
What do I do?
Milk me. What?
I don't want to milk you. Well, you're gonna have to.
I don't fucking want to! What do you mean "milk you"?
You don't have a choice!
Be a man and milk me.
Milk yourself! Try milking yourself!
I can't...
Ow!
Oh! I'm sorry. Okay.
Get on your hands and knees. We need a pail or something.
What? You gotta get on your hands and knees.
I'm not a cow! Well, how else do you do it?
There's no normal way to milk a human woman.
Okay, okay! Come on!
Ow!
I can't do it. Don't yell, just try to...
Come on! Ow! I'm sorry.
It's not working.
Oh, fuck!
Oh, fuck. Oh, God.
Yeah!
Boo-ya!
Okay.
Whoo!
We are not high-fiving.
Oh, God.
They say it tastes good to the baby. It tastes funny to me.
Just relax. Just settle down. Okay.
I got, like, four pails out of you.
We should go mom tipping later.
Hey, too soon.
Okay, too soon. Way too soon.
Yeah, I agree. I'm just trying to lighten the moo-ood.
Moo-ood.
Stop it. I know.
I'm gonna move back to Australia if you don't stop.
Now I can't stop thinking of them.
Okay. Mac...
That was udder-ly traumatic.
Please stop.
How much of you is traumatized? 2%? 1%?
That was a cheesy one.
That was good. You like that?
You did it. See?
Yeah?
But you know what? You hear that?
It's victory.
We can finally go back to our lives.
It's over.
What the heck are you guys doing here? Where's Pete?
I don't know. At some job fair or some shit.
What the heck's more important than this?
Hey, I just wanna let you guys know
that I ate a whole pot brownie before coming in here
and I am really starting to feel it right now. Yeah.
Why would you do that?
Guys, don't talk. Please let me handle this.
Okay.
"Fraternity severely injures economics Professor."
What is this?
It's a headline.
Is it a good one, or a bad one?
It's a bad one.
Yeah, it's a really bad one.
It's a bad one.
I promise you, as the president of delta psi,
that we will find a way to right this wrong.
Very sorry about this.
You know what? That's it.
You're on probation until the end of the year.
Okay? You so much as throw a party,
generate a noise complaint, or end up on any sort of headline,
and you are out.
Please don't put us on probation.
What about the end-of-the-year bash, Teddy?
I mean, we have to get on the wall, plus we bought the kegs.
What, is she gonna reimburse us for those kegs?
Are you gonna reimburse us for those kegs? No.
Scoonie. Not now.
Get out!
I'm so sorry.
Mmm-hmm.
I just want to let you know, I ate a pot brownie before coming in here.
I'm the opposite of the person you say that to.
That could have been two strikes, right there.
Oh, there he is.
Holy shit.
I'm just kidding. Sort of.
What's up, man?
Thanks for missing our meeting, Mr. vp.
I had this job interview, so...
No, no, clearly you had more important things to do.
Yeah.
So, how'd the meeting go?
Oh, it went great. It went great.
We're on probation. We can't party.
Shit. That's a bummer. Mmm-hmm.
So, are we cool with what happened last night?
Bros before hos. Right?
Yeah. Right?
Yeah, man.
Junk before trunk.
All right, balls before dolls.
Compadres before I sleep with tu madres.
Brad pitt before grab clit.
Deez nuts before skinny sluts.
Masturbate before I ask her to date.
Beef stew before watching the view.
Male erection before one direction.
Mario and Luigi before Thelma & Louise-ee.
Bert and Ernie before squirtin' spermy.
Man purses before regular purses.
Makes sense. Yeah.
Sports before genital warts... No, fuckin'. That's bad.
That was a little weird. I'm fading a little bit.
John madden before...
Jasmine from Aladdin! Jasmine from Aladdin!
Yes!
We just said it at the same time!
All right, man, I should probably...
But, I'll see you back at the house, yeah?
See you, brother.
All right. Good talk, man. Later.
Hey! You delta psi?
Yeah. Are you a delta?
No, my roommate was. I used to wear his ties to get girls.
You interested in working for at&t?
What do you guys do?
We're a giant telecommunications corporation.
Cell phones. Oh.
What's your gpa?
Like, low twos.
I'm just kidding. High ones.
We're actually looking for candidates
that are a little more academically inclined.
So, you have a nice day.
What does that mean?
It means you're too dumb.
Good luck, bro.
Okay.
I hope we can "build" a great future together.
Architecture joke.
I know!
I like to have fun with it.
Lame.
Big Mac! Yo!
There he is. Hey!
Hey. Hello.
You know, I was just thinking,
it would be great to have you and Kelly
and your little princess over for a play date.
We'll put it on the books. Okay, cool. Great.
Sometime soon. I'll just... I'll get back to you.
Yeah. Great.
"And the dog goes, 'woof, woof, woof, woof!
"'Woof, woof, woof!'"
oh, hi, baby. How's it going?
Oh, good. Yeah, I'm good, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm a bit bored, but I'm fine. I'm fine.
Yeah, I'm bored, too.
My boss just invited us for a play date,
so we can both just kill each other.
I kind of miss the rush of messing with the frat.
I have to go. She's awake.
Okay, call me after. Call me soon.
Hey, neighbor.
Ooh!
Okay. Are you ready?
Me and Kelly, we have found a way
to give the frat their last strike.
Get them out of here forever! Out!
Why are we doing this? Didn't we already win? Remember?
"Bros before hos," that whole thing? It's over!
They're still fucking there! There's beer cans on the lawn.
They're barbecuing.
So? "So?"
It smells delicious in here.
Try living next to it. Try living next to it!
Hey, you guys don't want to go back to your
boring ass lives as parents. That's what it is.
I'm surprised and shocked, honestly,
that it is so hard to convince you,
of all people, that this is a good idea.
What?
One of those Childs is having sex with your wife.
It's fine. We're divorced.
Jimmy! Wake up! Wake up, man.
His dick is this big!
"Hey, homie. I'm gonna fuck your wife with my giant dick."
"Oh, my God, this is amazing."
"Oh, my God, homie. It feels so good."
"It feels so good, homie." "What are you doing later?"
"Oh, homie, let's do it. Oh, God, homie."
"That's amazing."
Okay, enough! Stop imitating!
I get it! He's got a huge dick!
And her vagina, "bye!" It's ruined!
Destroyed. Gone!
It's like when you lend a fat friend your shirt,
and it comes back, and it's all stretchy and flappy!
Sagging all over the place! It'll be like this.
I'm in! Yes!
Nice! Nice! Great! Awesome, awesome!
What's the plan? Okay, okay.
We've been thinking. What gets frats
kicked out of schools more than anything?
Rape!
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Hazing scandals. Hazing scandals!
Yes! Hazing scandals!
You should've said it before you let me answer.
We need all that equipment you bought to spy on Paula.
I didn't... What?
Just stop.
Look, you just take these spy glasses.
They look totally like normal glasses.
You wear them into the frat house.
Teddy's gonna start pushing you around
and fucking with you, like he always does.
Like I've seen him do a million times.
At that moment, you just push back.
Okay? Just push back.
The rest will take care of itself.
He'll haze the fucking shit out of you.
It'll all get caught on this camera.
Delta psi is gone, you're a free man.
Those guys are my brothers.
Your brothers?
Do you think your brothers would really treat you like that?
Think about what they've done to you.
They dehumanized you.
They treated you like shit. They degraded you.
You're an animal. They called you assjuice.
Assjuice.
Subhuman. Assjuice.
Assjuice. Assjuice.
Assjuice! Assjuice! Assjuice! Assjuice!
You better eat this fucking dog food, now!
What's the lesson?
Don't go to sleep!
This is your destiny, assjuice.
Assjuice! Assjuice! Assjuice!
Assjuice! Assjuice!
I don't know.
Everyone breaks, bro.
Biology.
That's from zero dark thirty.
You guys don't get it.
I've gone through hell.
I'm not gonna throw that all away now.
You know how many bjs I've been promised?
Infinite bjs.
Infinite. Infinite.
Infinite bjs.
Delta psi forever, ya bish.
We'll give you $1,000.
Okay. I'm in.
Nice! That was good! Jimmy: That was good. That was really good.
That was good. That was sexy, too.
He looks like j.J. Abrams.
You look good. It looks okay. I think it's okay.
Move, elephants! Move! Keep marching.
March!
March, march, march, elephants.
I'm not doing this anymore.
Get back in line, assjuice!
Get back in line!
Fuck you. I am not an elephant!
What did you just say to me?
I am not an elephant!
He's doing it. He's doing it.
I'm a human man! I have dignity!
We all have dignity! Yes, assjuice, yes!
Our names are not fuckhead, or jizzface, or lea Michele.
Lea Michele from glee? That's actually funny.
Yeah, that's really funny.
It's Evan.
And Brendan.
And Juan.
So, fuck you.
Haze me. Say it.
Say it! Come on! Say it, Teddy.
I will haze you until your fucking face falls off!
Yeah!
You're in so much fucking trouble. Come with me, pledge.
Oh, fuck.
Fuck him up, Teddy.
I'm sorry. I'll do anything.
What's going on, Gary?
Are you okay, man? You seem distraught.
I mean, you've always been, in my opinion, like, our strongest pledge,
and now you're talking back.
I'm fucking scared, man. I'm tired all the time.
Fucking tired. I miss my mom.
Oh, no, assjuice. Breaking? The guy was right.
Everybody breaks.
Okay. I'll tell you what.
You go up to my room.
Lock the door, draw yourself a bath. Relax.
"Draw yourself a bath"?
Catch up on some z's, okay? Take a nap.
Full season of girls up there in the dvr.
We never planned for nice.
Thanks for talking to me, brother. All right?
You can always come to me with this kind of stuff, all right?
You're doing a great job. See you upstairs.
I'm sorry, guys. He's too good of a dude.
No! Teddy!
What's up? Yeah, one more thing.
These glasses, there's a camera in them.
No!
Oh, my God!
The asset's gone rogue.
so the fraternity would get dissolved.
And this isn't the first time. No, no, no, no. They flooded the basement.
They got brother Pete to hook up with sister Brooke.
It's okay. They've been after us for weeks.
No! He's telling him everything!
Oh, my God! Jesus Christ, guys!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Wait.
He's looking at us.
What are you doing? He's looking at us.
You guys just crossed the fucking line. You're dead.
We're dead?
Oh, God! Oh, my God! That was scary.
Come on, guys. Jesus.
How do you turn these off?
Assjuice: It's on the side.
We're gonna go to the shops
then we're gonna go to mommy and me
and see all those bitches that I hate
it's gonna be really boring
but we'll get out of the house!
I think the frat has broken into the car and stolen all of the airbags.
Airbags? Yeah.
That's so weird. Is anything else missing?
No! Okay.
Why would they just break in and steal the airbags?
I don't know. We should file a police report...
What the fuck?
Oh, shit!
Found the airbags!
There's three left!
Fuck!
Two left!
Jimmy, are you okay?
I'm fine!
It wasn't as bad as it seemed. I'm fine.
Delta psi has the upper hand!
We went too far now. This is dangerous.
We did not go too far.
Now is when we get them back even more.
Do you see what they fucking did to me? We don't stop now!
So, what it's gonna be next? They're gonna break into the house?
You need to grow up, okay? Our family is in danger.
I need to grow up? Yes, you need to grow up.
One of us has got to be the adult in this relationship.
That's not only offensive, but it's fucking stupid.
It's offensive that I'm saying that you should be smart?
Yes, it's offensive that I have to be the smart one all the time!
I'm allowed to be just as irresponsible as you.
Well, that's how it works! I'm the dumb guy,
and you're the woman who's supposed to
stop the dumb guy from doing dumb shit!
Haven't you ever seen a fucking Kevin James movie?
We can't both be Kevin James. I'm Kevin James!
I have a little bit of Kevin James in me.
Clearly, you're the one who knows better, so you should know better.
You know that I'm not like that, and I've never been like that.
Well, maybe you should be. That's never been me.
Just because I'm a mom doesn't mean
that I'm gonna change who I am.
it doesn't mean I can stop doing mushrooms with teenagers.
Fine! Fine!
Okay, Kevin, I don't think we're a good team anymore.
The team is breaking up. Yep.
This worked before we had Stella, but...
Now it doesn't. It doesn't work anymore.
Yeah, because someone refuses to grow up.
Fine. Okay. Fine then.
You go find your nagging wife that you
want to find, and I'll go find a real man.
Fine! Good to know. Fine.
I don't feel safe here, just in case you didn't know.
Well, that's crazy.
I'm gonna take our child and go.
because this is perhaps the safest place on the planet,
just so you know!
You're kidnapping our baby! Asshole!
Don't kidnap our baby!
I'm gonna put out an Amber fucking alert!
Enjoy the house by yourself, you child!
This is safer than the white house!
Dude, we missed the airbag!
Kelly, there's one left!
It could be anywhere!
Ow!
Hey, man, do you think, maybe we're going, like, way too far with this?
I mean, as a child of divorce, I just...
I can't help it, I sympathize with them.
Well, my parents love each other, and I think it's hilarious.
Fuck!
Fuckers! Fuck!
Shalom, Mac.
Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
How's it going? I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
I love you so much. I'm so sorry.
I love you, I'm sorry.
I was so stupid.
What a stupid fucking fight to have.
No, I was stupid. I'm really, really sorry.
I'm so sorry. It was so dumb.
It was really dumb. I love you so much, okay?
Do you still like me? Yes, I still like you.
Okay, good. I love you. Okay.
She's so crazy.
She's still behind you.
Hey. Hi.
Lame, isn't it, Pete?
Whoa.
You're really villaining out in here.
What's lame? What's going on?
Lame that we're on probation.
We're not gonna end up on this thing.
That is kind of lame, but also kind of meaningless, right?
No, man. I just mean, like, you're the president, you know?
If you want to be up there so bad, just put your picture up.
No one's gonna stop you.
Because then I didn't earn it.
It doesn't mean anything if you don't earn it.
Who cares?
"Who cares?"
Are you kidding me?
You're the vp, man.
We have wanted this since we were freshmen.
Dude, that was four years ago, okay?
We were fucking virgins. All right?
We're about to be, like, adults now.
In two weeks, none of this is even gonna matter.
I mean, you do realize that all this stuff, it's all bullshit, right?
Like, my brother's fraternity also thinks they invented beer pong.
Well, your brother is a liar.
All right, let's put that down.
Dude, I don't want you to take this the wrong way,
but I think you're freaking out
about what you're gonna do next year.
What?
I'm trying to be your friend, okay?
But I don't know why you try to hide this stuff from me.
I'm a psychology minor, you know that.
"I'm a psychology minor."
Dude, why do you think you're so obsessed
with that old couple next door, all right?
It's because they remind you of the future.
I'm sorry, but it's true.
What the fuck are you talking about?
You're trying to be my friend? Yes!
Well, why don't you go fuck my girlfriend again?
What? Yeah.
I thought we were over that. What are you...
How the fuck could I be cool with that, man?
You had sex with my girlfriend!
What are you... We said all those things, all right?
They rhymed! What the hell was that?
We said some shit that rhymed? Are you crazy, man?
You don't think I was clearly trying to mask how I really felt,
so I tried to bro out with you?
I don't know! You're a good actor!
What the fuck am I supposed to think?
Get the fuck out of here!
God! Dude, take your shit out on someone else, all right?
This isn't about me. Okay.
That's right, Pete. Walk away.
Bitch. Oh, my God.
Ahhh!
Scoonie put his dick in your mouth
while you were sleeping, bitch!
Uh-uh. I wasn't asleep.
One sec!
Get your knees in there.
There you go.
Hey, neighbor.
What the fuck do you want, man?
Hi, how's it going?
What do you want? It's over. Yeah.
You won. There's nothing else.
We're just getting started.
I know what you might be thinking.
"Teddy is gonna graduate this year
"and everything's gonna be fine."
But it won't.
Because in a few weeks, when school ends, so does our probation.
There's gonna be hundreds and thousands of teddys living next door to you for all time.
Because "Teddy" is just an idea.
It's over. It's over, man.
It's over? Okay, it's over, it's over, it's over.
I just have one thing I wanted to say.
This entire time, your daughter is gonna be growing up
watching all these young, shirtless men next door,
and we're gonna be watching right back.
You're a bad boy! Get off our porch.
Delta psi, bitch. Now! I'm gonna call the police!
Get off!
We are not moving.
No. They are.
The problem is that they're on probation.
I know. They're being careful.
They're never gonna do anything ridiculous,
What would be great is if they didn't think they were on probation.
Our probation's been lifted! Our probation's been lifted!
Yeah, this is amazing.
I want a baby. I'm gonna have a baby.
You don't want a baby. Oh, I do.
Would you be my surrogate, Kelly?
No! Dude, don't ask that.
Don't be so fucking offended. It's not like we're gonna have sex.
I would masturbate into her. That's not how it works.
Oh, shit. Teddy just tweeted.
What?
Tomorrow night, party's on.
There'll be food, blankets. It's gonna be great.
We're back on the air with dirty boy.
All right, caller, what's your name?
This is nutsack calling over from delta psi.
What's up, nutsack?
We're having a huge rager tonight.
You know what brings people to a party more than anything?
This is mark wahlberg. If you don't come to this party,
I'm gonna give you a world-class knuckle sandwich.
Oh, my gosh. This is Anne hathaway.
I want to ask you to the party this weekend that I'm having with friends.
Hello. This is Julia child.
Ho! Hey, babe, you want to party?
The question is, do you want to party?
Right there.
You, too, deadwood. There you go.
See you guys.
Hey, it's ray Romano. What are you doin'?
No, this is ray Romano and... No, this is ray Romano...
Who is ray Romano?
This is president Barack Obama,
telling you to come to a great party
this evening at 2203 west olmstead.
Peace, nigga.
Gentlemen, we are fortunate members
of a prestigious lineage of extraordinary gentlemen.
We are delta psi beta.
Delta psi!
Now, there is no higher honor in delta psi than making it onto the wall.
And this year, we will make it on that wall.
People have hot-boxed showers.
They've hot-boxed cars.
Attics. Caves. Fire trucks.
Porta-potties. Private planes.
But tonight, forget the hot-box.
I give you the hot house.
Holy shit.
This party is getting out of control.
This is strike three. This is crazy.
Strike three. Yes!
Yes, hello. This is the president of the neighborhood watch.
There is a giant party at 2203 west olmstead right now.
They're yelling and fighting. The ringleader's name is scoonie.
He's a little scrawny piece of shit with a giant dick.
Come on, come on. Stay on message! I'm sorry.
Dispatch on radio: We have a disturbance at 2203 west olmstead.
10-4.
What is this? Is this our flyer?
No, we do everything online!
Who makes flyers anymore?
Fucking old people!
Old people?
Thumbsucker! Let me see the letter from the school, man!
Our school's insignia is in Latin.
This is in Jewish!
What? We're not off probation!
The old people have the upper hand.
We got to get everyone out of here!
We got to get everybody...
Hootie-hoo! Hootie-hoo!
Guys!
Delta psi brothers: Hootie-hoo! Hootie-hoo!
Shit, they're hootie-hooing!
What? They're fucking hootie-hooing.
What does that mean?
I don't get it! It's from an outkast song.
get the money and the sweet spot and forever hollerin'
yo, cops be robbing niggaz blind with the dollars...
Okay, okay, we fucking get it! I get it. I get it.
That's the song. How could they know that's happening?
How do they know something's wrong?
It's because of the Hebrew.
I put a little Hebrew in the school sign, you know, like a coded game.
What? What?
Check this out. Inside the school seal,
I put sof hamisschak, which is Hebrew for "game over."
What the fuck is wrong with you, man? Why did you do that?
Stop hitting me. That's so stupid!
Like at the end of a heist, you leave your calling card.
It's like, "they got us again."
One big difference, the heist isn't done!
We're mid-fucking-heist, genius!
Everybody out! Party's over!
Let's go! This is not a fucking drill!
Stop standing around! Let's go!
Drinks down! No alcohol outside! Get the fuck out of here!
Party's over! Dirty Santa, let's go!
Everyone's clearing out. Oh, my God!
Everyone's leaving!
This isn't a strike! It's not a strike if everyone's leaving!
Shit!
It's Watkins.
Looks like the party shut down.
Cops are here.
Fuck me! Shit! They're sending garf out to talk to him.
He's so charming, he'll get the cop to leave.
Yo, is there a party going on around here?
No, no. There was, but I shut that down.
You got nothing to worry about, officer.
That's really responsible of you guys.
You must've heard we were coming.
Look, we're in a nice neighborhood. We want to be good neighbors.
It's the least we could do, you know?
We appreciate that, man.
I'm gonna go now. No.
You're not trying to get rid of me, are you?
No. No.
We've got to save... Come on, we're so close!
We gotta save this. What do we do? Okay, okay, okay.
Teddy's room. We got to sneak into Teddy's room.
Fuse box. We'll turn the party back on.
Get the party going again. Get the party started.
Let's go. Get the party started! Come on!
Grab the monitor. Grab the monitor.
What are you doing? I'm sneaking.
What the fuck?
Don't worry about it.
Is that your real name? Garf?
Well, Garfield.
Garfield. Garfield, yeah. Yeah.
Oh. Yeah.
Like the cat. My father... yeah.
"I hate mondays!"
"I love lasagna!"
Do some cat stuff real quick. Be sarcastic or lick yourself.
Okay. All right.
I love fucking with you when you high, man.
Get the hell out of here.
Everybody out! Hootie-hoo! Let's go!
All right, fellas, get a move on. Hootie-hoo!
What the fuck is wrong with you, man? What the...
That was, like, a distraction so they couldn't see what was going on.
Grow up! It worked. Okay. Okay.
Yeah. There wasn't anything behind it.
You used so much tongue!
Upstairs clear!
Hey. Do not let anyone upstairs, you got me?
Yes, sir.
Holy fuck.
What was that?
Shaggy, Scooby, jizzface, let's investigate!
It's open. It's open.
He's right there! He's right there!
What do we do? What do we do? What do we do?
We got to get him out of there! Distraction.
Okay, distraction. What? What do we do?
I'm gonna jump off the balcony. What?
No, no, why? Why? No! What?
Oh, God!
Fuck! Shit, shit. Go!
What the fuck?
Nice. He's gone.
He's gone.
Come on, come on! Damn it!
One, two, three?
No!
Oh, God! Oh, God!
My God, Jesus!
What the hell, bro?
What up, Teddy?
What the fuck?
"Boobs" upside down!
I can't do "boob." I can do "Bob."
I can do "cock." I can do "c-o-k."
Sixty-nine?
What other stupid number combinations are there?
I'll never talk! I'm unbreakable!
Jesus!
I'm not a distraction.
It's a distraction?
No! No!
I got it, I got it. I got it.
Four-twenty?
Victory.
Boom! Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Yes. I'm gonna kill you.
Go, go. Okay.
Don't open this door no matter what you hear!
This is it.
Mano y mano.
You are not getting through this door.
Jesus. Okay.
Fuck, these kids locked everything!
God damn it.
I've been wanting this. I've got your number.
Ready?
Yeah, I'm ready. Are you ready, huh?
Oh?
Huh? Oh?
Old man. Oh, my nuts!
Why the fuck do you keep fighting?
Yes, that felt good!
I hit him, Kelly! Fuck!
Oh, yeah!
Okay, let's just relax for a second.
I can't let you in yet. I haven't figured out how to open it!
Okay, fuck me!
Stay!
What the fuck?
How'd you even do that?
No idea.
Come here! No!
What the fuck? Damn it!
Who still has waterbeds?
Let's do this shit.
Suck my dick!
Suck my dick.
Yeah, suck it! Suck my dick.
No, no!
So gross! Ew!
That was very immature!
I'm Batman!
Oh! Fuck!
I'm Batman!
Ahhh!
Oh, shit!
Fuck me!
God damn it!
Good luck with all your problems, officer.
Really.
Get off of me!
God damn it!
No, no, no! Yeah!
Oh, shit!
Kelly!
Kelly, honey.
He's coming. Kelly, it's over!
Kelly, he's coming!
Fuck! Shit!
So long, neighbor.
I need backup at 2203 west olmstead!
Delta psi is attacking me! I'm under fire right now!
I need backup! Over!
Well played, motherfuckers.
What the fuck are you looking at?
What the fuck are y'all looking at?
Well played. What the fuck?
You can't tell anyone I showed you this. Okay, baby?
Oh, my God. Shut up, scoonie.
I'm sorry, baby.
No, guys! Hey, hey!
Oh, shit!
Holy shit!
My brothers need me.
Holy shit.
Holy shit! Did you break your leg?
Baby broke his leg!
I'm not a baby.
Oh, no? I'm a fucking man!
My God, Jimmy!
He's so light. He's all dick.
Thank you.
Keep your dick away from my wife!
Yolo!
This is who I am.
Jimmy fuckin' blevitz.
You want this?
Oh, my leg.
Let's make a baby.
That'll solve all our problems.
Yeah.
We are fucked, man.
Yeah. We're fucked, man.
I guess we're all going down in a blaze of glory, huh?
What? No way, man. Get out of here.
Dude, all that shit I was saying the other day
about you and the fraternity...
Fuck that, all right? I was out of line, man.
This stuff is important.
I know.
Regardless of anything, we're brothers for life.
This is on me. I took it too far.
That's why you got to go.
You got a bright future, kid.
You're the smartest person I know.
I'm the president of a fraternity.
You could be president of the united nations.
There is no president of the united nations.
Yeah, but see, that's my fucking point! You know shit like that, man!
This is all my fault.
You're not taking the heat for this.
I fucking will, man.
Brothers don't get divorced. Yeah, I know.
I'm a supernova. Burn bright, die young.
I fucking love you, man.
I love you, dawg. I love you.
I fucking love you, man. Get out of here.
Be in this moment! Live in this shit with me!
I love you! I love you, too, man.
I love you!
I fucking love you, Pete. I love you!
I love you, too, but... Get out of here, man! Just go!
Delta psi.
Delta psi, man. All right?
Go! Get the brothers out of here now, man!
T-bone, gerbil, jizzface, let's get the fuck out of here! Let's go!
Delta psi forever!
Delta psi this shit!
You've been a bad boy. I'm gonna spank you.
That's our baby.
She's so sweet.
Look at her.
We're a family.
We are.
I love you.
Holy shit. That was close.
I could not deal with that right now. Fuck, no way.
Jesus. I'm exhausted.
That would be a fucking disaster. Oh, Jesus.
We did it!
We did it. We fucking did it.
We did it.
Come on.
We fucking did that shit.
We totally did it.
I think I was near one of those oil drums for too long.
I think I might be really quite stoned.
Me, too.
Life's crazy.
It is crazy.
I milked you.
You're a human being, and I fucking milked you.
We made a baby. Things have changed. Everything has changed.
Part of our life is just totally over.
Yeah.
Just gone. Yeah.
It's never coming back. No.
We'll never not be responsible for someone until we're so, so old.
I think I like old people shit better than young people shit now.
I love brunch.
And I get really excited when I smell freshly ground coffee.
Me, too, because it's awesome.
Like, way too excited.
I want a tomato garden. Được không?
Tôi muốn tới cửa hàng containers Và mua một cái containers
Tôi cũng vậy.
I love your hand soap. that's shaped like seashells.
Tại sao?
Nghe như mùi xả vậy.
Tôi cũng vậy.
Anh có nghĩ Chúng tôi đã làm tốt vai trò bố mẹ?
I think we'll be good at it and bad at it.
Whoa!
Biết không, khi sinh Stella, tôi sợ vì phải bỏ lỡ những cuộc vui.
Nhưng tôi phải thừa nhận. Chúng ta mới là bữa tiệc.
Đây là bữa tiệc duy nhất. Mà tôi muốn.
Anh đang làm tôi khóc đấy.
Đừng khóc.
Trời ơi!
Lấy nó lúc nào vậy?
I brought it into bed with us.
I also got some ranch dipping sauce.
Ôi chúa ơi! Mmm-hmm.
That's the best idea.
Yeah.
Mmm!
Chào mừng đến với Abercrombie.
Come inside. Check out some board shorts.
Hey, Mac!
Hey, anh bạn. Có chuyện gì vậy?
Còn anh thì sao? Mọi chuyện thế nào rồi?
Good to see you. Good to see you, too.
You're one of those guys!
Đúng vậy, yeah! Yeah!
Một màn trình diễn rất tốt! Yeah.
You'd be surprised, I actually meet a shit-ton of girls here.
Not that surprised.
Thân hình của bạn Như một mũi tên lớn vậy.
pointing right towards your dick.
Trời ơi! Cảm ơn Không có gì đâu.
Tôi nghĩ đó là lời than phiền. Tôi đang than phiền.
Chúng ta điên rồi.
It escalated to a really crazy place. That was really nuts, man.
Bọn họ thế nào?
Họ rất tốt. They got a big house off campus.
Pete's a fancy architect, designing buildings and stuff.
How's the rest of post-college life treating you?
Nó thật tuyệt vời.
Tôi thừa nhận. Tôi nên học thêm nữa.
Một chút.
But I'm going to night school to get my degree, so...
Awesome, man. Yeah.
Well, it's still really good to see you, man.
Great to see you too, buddy.
Bring it in for the real thing.
Được rồi. Rất vui được gặp anh.
Biết không? Khi ở đây...
Tôi luôn muốn làm thế này.
All right. Wow, you're really going for it.
Tôi đang làm đây. Trời ơi.
So, is it our posture? Sao chúng ta khác nhau quá vậy?
I don't know, man. Just be free.
Just kind of let it out. Okay.
I feel free.
Welcome to Abercrombie & Fitch. Can we take your order?
Welcome to Abercrombie & Fitch.
Abercrombie, Fitch.
Welcome to Abercrombie & Fitch. Mọi người thế nào rồi?
Tôi nói một điều được không?
Chúng ta là một đội. Cảm ơn.
You make the store more approachable.
What does that mean?
It's like, I make...
I'm a more obtainable goal.
Yeah, you're like the relaxed-fit Jean guy.
Yeah. I'm the relaxed-fit jeans.
I made some blue meth. It's gatorade.
Oh, tuyệt!
Cô ấy chuẩn bị đi rồi.
Cái này chưa phải là Cái lịch tuyệt nhất.
Nhìn kìa, sweetie.
Coi nào. Tới luôn nào!
Who's my little Heisenberg? You are!
She's a little meth head.
No, she just makes it.
Oh...
Hey. Look who it is. i> What's up, dude?
We're at burning man!
Burning man!
Hey!
Bring Stella! You can bring kids! Bring Stella!
Không. Không, Chúng tôi đang lên lịch cho Stella.
Yeah, chúng tôi chỉ còn lại sáu tháng.
Cô ấy là Heisenberg. Cố ấy là Walter.
See? You're such a lame-o!
Don't be so fucking lame! Totally lame.
It only gets Tốt và tốt hơn
I feel completely comfortable missing that party. Okay.
Chúng tôi phải đi, okay? Chúng tôi phải đi.
Yeah, chúc tốt lành nhé. Cố gắng giữ mạng.
Chúng ta làm gì nữa đây?
Don draper. Yeah. Yeah, don draper.
Let's get the leading men out of the way.
I love you. I love you.
We love you. We love you.
Little Walter white. Baby.
Sof hamisschak. It means "game over."